Rupture

The gift of rupture is the space that’s created from the clearing of debris, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I have learned to trust whatever arises, no matter how toxic and uncomfortable it may be. I have learned to voice my truth, especially in the rupture, as I learn from it, equally. I have learned that, as uncomfortable as it may be, it’s worse to let it fester, and even more toxic to let it go undetected altogether. One of the gifts in my healing journey was in giving permission to all of my expressions. And one of the uncomfortable parts of our family dynamic is that we have given the kids the same freedom. We even encourage it. And while it’s not easy or pretty, we are all more liberated, more honest, more alive, and more connected for it. The healing that follows is the deepest, sweetest new expression of our relationship.

A mutual respect and genuine appreciation of being willing to go there. Wherever there is, and help each other through it. Sometimes it’s a personal rupture that affects all of us; other times it’s between siblings or a child and a parent; and at other times it’s between Bobby and me. Often it’s a combination of things.

But the gold that’s mined when we are all together, and it’s a shared experience, is the healing that happens and the new wisdom and understanding it brings for all of us.

This is the gift of the sacred container that is family - or at least doing it our way, that is.

Rather than sweeping things under the rug, we have chosen to be an open book with our kids.

To share our struggles and victories (age-appropriately), and because we spend so much time together, it usually works out that way anyway.

And while these dramas are not the norm, I choose to share about them equally, as I do the blissful and beautiful ones, because I believe it’s helpful and necessary.

Especially as a “coach”. While I love what I do and am certified and trained in it, I never want to portray that I have it all figured out, don’t struggle, or have some perfect life. I don’t.

I am just really passionate about growing and learning how to alchemize it - to use the mess and the pain to fuel the life and love I want to create.

I will forever be doing this.

I was raised in a way where our parents’ world was very separate, and struggles were not talked about openly, nor was conflict resolution, emotional expression, or any kind of validation.

Therefore, as we humans do, we choose to swing the pendulum. Maybe too much so, but here we are.

Deeply intertwined, close and connected with our kids and our closest friends and community we trust, whom we also share openly with.

The beauty in this is we allow them to speak into our lives, give us advice, offer us feedback, and remind us of who we are.

And this is one of my favorite things about being a coach: I get to hold a mirror up for my clients and offer reflection, wisdom, and reminders so they grow through whatever it is they are going through.

Subscribe to my Substack for more real, raw diary entries, musings, and poetry about life: Brandi Fano | Substack